your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
