Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I just blew my weed a kiss
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
