Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
