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Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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