Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
