TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
