She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
