Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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