Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
