I think my fart just growled at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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