I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
did i walk over a car last night?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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