you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
