Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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