I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just took my morning after pill in the library
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
