Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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