Who wears a wallet chain?!
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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