He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
