but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
