dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
