we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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