I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
