no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
