He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
