I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
