He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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