Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
