when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
