...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
