Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
