Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
