A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
