dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
