i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
