Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
