if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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