this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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