I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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