See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
