if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
