What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
