he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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