That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
