Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
