hell yes lets make some ravioli
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
