It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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