last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
