I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
