Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
