Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
