You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
