Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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